I've written and re-written this post a thousand times. There's so much I want to say to you but nothing sounds quite right.
I want to tell you how much I love you. It's a love I never thought I needed but now I can't live without. It sounds so cliche but it's true that I didn't know my heart could beat outside my body until you were born. You're a part of me, plain and simple.
I want to tell you how wonderful it is to be your mom. You've always been calm and easy going and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I'm grateful for it. When we brought you home from the hospital, I was so scared. I was afraid of what having a newborn meant but every rough night was worth it and thankfully, you've only given us a handful of those.
I want to tell you what an amazing little boy you've become. In the last year, I've gotten to watch you grow into a loud, funny, spirited kid. You're always so happy and there's always a smile on your face which I like to think I had something to do with. The fact that you're such a morning person? Yeah. That's from your dad.
I want to tell you how much I dreaded today. It might sound crazy but it's true. I've cried more tears over you turning one than I did the night before I came back to work after you were born. I know you'll always be my baby but the fact that it's been a whole year is just too hard to believe. I've always told people that those first few months after you were born were my favorite. You were brand new and had this sweet smell of baby lotion and breast milk and I miss that. You fit in that crook in my neck just perfectly and even though you're getting bigger, I think we'll make it work.
I want to tell you that I can't wait for you to grow up. Even though I miss my sweet infant, there's something about the thought of you throwing ball in the front yard with your dad that I can't wait for. The day you take your first steps isn't far off now and that means soon we'll be teaching you to ride a bike. And how to swim. And, before I know it, how to drive.
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I know the best is yet to come.
Happy First Birthday son.